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Choosing Funeral Music

Funeral music can be an excellent way to truly capture the essence and spirit of your loved one. Though usually played softly, the music at a funeral can also shape the ceremony by reminding mourners of the type of person they have lost. Music can evoke powerful memories, emotions, and thoughts of good times.

Choosing Funeral Music

Because of this, it is important that funeral music is not chosen haphazardly. Organizers should try to pick songs that are appropriate. Many families ask a minister or music director for advice in this area. Although it is not uncommon to step away from more common or traditional songs, it is critical that you know why you are choosing a nontraditional song. You may even need to explain the song selection to the mourners, especially if it appears to the average person to be a complete deviation from the norm.

Traditional songs chosen for funerals are usually classical, religious, or soft and somber. Often these are songs with few or no words. The traditional religious songs are typically hymns or songs that haven been passed down through various generations. These songs typically have a message of hope or life-eternal, which speaks to both the deceased and the mourners at the service.

If you are seeking a more personalized song selection over a more traditional set then you need to talk to those closest to the deceased. Although you may want to ask a parent or a spouse, it may even be a good idea to start with a brother, sister, or good friend who can provide a wider selection of songs, ones that the deceased may have appreciated at a much younger age.

The Funeral March

Another important aspect of funeral music is the songs played during the funeral march. A funeral march can refer to the precession of family members as they enter the church, when they walk past the casket, as they walk out of the church, or as the casket is being removed from the church. There are commonly chosen songs for the march. These musical pieces usually convey the somberness and sorrow of the moment.

Gravesite Music

Some families also choose to play music at the gravesite. The music at the gravesite is usually played as people arrive and leave the ceremony. Some families also have a family member or friend sing or play a song here as a final farewell tribute. Here it would be a good idea to get song selection ideas from the minister providing over the gravesite ceremony, the funeral director, or the music director for your church. Most often, non-traditional songs are played at the gravesite service if they are going to be played. However, again, the reasoning behind it should be explained.

Although there are numerous songs for funerals that you can choose, the two broad categories for funeral music are traditional and personal. Many times those organizing the funeral choose funeral music by taking the mourners into consideration only. However funeral music is meant to really shine a light on the life that was lost, their essence, their personality, and all the reasons why so many people loved them.

~Ben Anton, 2008

Appropriate funeral music and memorial songs can be sentimental or celebratory. Find the right classical funeral march music at Funeral March online.

Sympathy Flowers: Choosing a Floral Arrangement

Funeral flowers are a time honored tradition of showing our love, respect, and affection both for those who have passed from this life and for those who are left behind. They are meant to be a source of comfort and beauty in a dark time in a family’s life, and can also represent the continuation of life even though a death has touched us.

Funeral Wreaths

One of the most popular of which is the wreath. Funeral wreaths and their circular design are meant to signify life and the continuity of it. Just as a wreath is an unbroken circle that goes on and on, the wreath symbolizes that life goes on for those who are left behind. For those with these kinds of beliefs, wreaths also signify that when life on Earth is ended, it goes on elsewhere. It can be a very comforting thought to the family. They are often constructed out of rosemary or laurel branches, both of which signify honor and remembrance.

Casket Arrangement

A casket arrangement is a very large bouquet that is meant to be placed on top of the funeral casket itself. If you would like to honor a lost loved one with a casket arrangement, it is best to contact the bereaved to find out if they have already arranged for this floral arrangement since space on the casket is limited. These arrangements may otherwise come to rest along entryway tables, along pews or on other flat surfaces in the funeral home.

Funeral Sprays

Funeral sprays are also meant to be displayed at the funeral home or at a gravesite service and are elegantly beautiful displays that stand on a tripod structure. They can be placed all around the funeral home or church to brighten up proceedings and bring some comfort to the bereaved. Funeral sprays can be designed with traditional flowers or customized to suit the tastes and personality of the deceased. Talk to your florist about how to best personalize your spray to reflect your love and care for the deceased.

Funeral Baskets

Funeral baskets are more like gifts for the living than memorials for the deceased. While they might be arranged beautifully, they are often full of things like chocolate, coffee, fruit or teas. They are meant to lift spirits by symbolizing the good things in life and the sender’s wishes to remember those good things even in hard or sad times.

Funeral baskets can be purchased from a favorite online retailer or put together and personalized toward the needs of the bereaved. Some families may need their spirits lifted with a basket of personal health items like teas, bath lotions and warm shawls to remind them that you wish them comfort. Others may appreciate a basket of items that display the hobbies or favorite foods, treats or colors of the deceased. These baskets let the grieving know that they are not alone in their feelings of loss; others too remember the life and love that has been lost. While flowers should usually be delivered to the funeral home, church or gravesite, funeral baskets can be sent directly to the bereaved at their residence during the time of mourning preceding a funeral service.

In the wake of tragedy, people come together to comfort, console and share. Gifts of beautiful, meaningful things like flowers and gift baskets are a traditional extension of those feelings. Talk to your florist or online funeral arrangement retailer for help finding the right sympathy gift for your lost loved one and their grieving family.

~Ben Anton, 2008

Condolence Sympathy Gifts and memorial baskets are traditionally given to the bereaved by those that love and care about them. Find food and gift baskets for the grieving at Sympathy Baskets online.

The Five Stage of Grief

Losing someone close to us is never easy. In her 1969 book titled, “On Death and Dying”, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross lists the five stages of grief that most of us experience when we go through this situation. By learning about these stages, we can begin coping with death more effectively, knowing that each stage will bring us closer to the end of the healing process. Some people can get stuck in one of the first four stages, and need a bit of help to continue on with the process. When you understand how the process is supposed to go, you will be better equipped to recognize if you need to seek help or if you are making your way through the steps sufficiently on your own.

1. Denial and Isolation

When we first receive devastating news like the death of a loved one, our first reaction may be to deny the truth of the matter and withdraw from our friends and family. Denial and isolation can take place over a matter of months in some cases.

2. Anger

Anger is a perfectly normal method for coping with death, and is the second stage of the grieving process, according to Kubler-Ross. You may be angry with yourself for being unable to prevent the loss, angry with doctors who could not save your family member, or angry with the person who died for abandoning you and creating so much pain. Some people get angry with God because they believe He should have done something to prevent the death from occurring.

3. Bargaining

Sometimes people’s anger with God will turn into a bargaining chip. You may try to negotiate with God, promising to help others or live a better life if He will take your pain away and reverse the loss that you are experiencing.

4. Depression

The anger has faded away by now, leaving numbness and despondency in its wake. That doesn’t mean that the anger is gone for good; it may be simmering still just under the surface, where it can explode at the slightest provocation. This may be a time where you feel hopeless and unable to make plans or dream about the future. You may find yourself wallowing in feeling of self pity and an inability to enjoy the things in life that you once loved. Some people have trouble breaking out of this stage, leading them to seek professional help in coping with death.

5. Acceptance

The pain is still there, but it is easier to deal with. The sadness still exists, but you now feel somewhat optimistic that you can turn the experience into something positive. Acceptance doesn’t mean to simply grin and bear it, but to accept the loss and prepare to move forward with your life. This is the stage where true personal growth can occur.

Coping with death is one of the most challenging experiences anyone will ever have to face. These five stages are typically the process that most people will go through to deal with the loss, heal and move on with their lives.

Nathan Martyn is webmaster of The Eternal Portal, a place to create online memorials, grief support forums, articles and condolence guest books.

Online Mourning

In the world of Internet connections and email communications, keeping in touch has become much simpler. This is even true when a loved one dies and we want to share our grief with friends and family members across the miles. Online mourning has made this possible with tools to create an online memorial of your loved one and broadcast the service across Internet connections. While it may sound strange at first to pay tribute to someone dear to us through modern technology, it truly is wonderful when hearts can come together across the globe to grieve and remember. Whether you choose to broadcast the memorial service online or set up a virtual tribute that visitors can come to, the memory of that special person can live on.

Online Funerals

We have watched numerous funerals of great people on television for decades; now we can commemorate our own family members by broadcasting the memorial service over the Internet. This is the perfect solution for friends and family members who would like to pay their respects but cannot travel to the service for whatever reason. You can hire the services of a company that will broadcast the service you plan with a local mortuary from anywhere in the world. Only those that receive the password from you will be able to view the service, to ensure that your privacy is kept secure. Some companies will also offer the option to purchase CD-ROMS of the service that you can mail to friends and family or treasure as a keepsake of your own.

Virtual Memorials

Another way to honor the memory of a loved one is to create a virtual memorial that others can go online to see and contribute to. Some companies will allow you to create a basic tribute through their business free of charge. This may include text about the person and a guestbook that others can sign. For a fee, you can add photos, a slide show and custom pages that will make your memorial unique and special. You can add a variety of backgrounds and even audio for your guests. Some sites will also offer a visitor counter so that you can keep track of how many people visit the site. Many will also provide the option of editing whenever you like to keep the tribute up to date.

Remembering Pets

When a pet dies, sometimes it is hard to know what to do to commemorate that special friend’s passing. You can also create a virtual memorial of your pet, complete with photos and text about what your companion meant to you. Many pet owners have found that simply having a way to express the grief was a key component in the healing process. Some of the websites that provide this service will also include support for those who are grieving the loss of a pet.

Losing someone you love is never easy, but now there are even more ways to keep that person’s memory alive. Whether you go online with the funeral service or create a lasting tribute virtually, memories can live on.

Nathan Martyn is webmaster of The Eternal Portal, a place to create online memorials with full multi-media, free online obituaries, forums, articles, resources for dealing with grief and condolence guest books.

Five Tips For Writing an Obituary

When someone dies, it is important to tell those who might have known the person. This is usually done in the form of an obituary that is published in the local newspaper or on the Internet. Writing an obituary is not an easy task, since you will still be reeling from the loss of your loved one. These five tips on how to write an obituary can make the process a little easier to create an announcement that will give your family member’s memory the respect that is due.

1. Know the Limits

Some newspapers will have restrictions on the length that an obituary can be. Make sure you know what those limits are before you begin writing. That way, you will not have to worry about some unscrupulous editor cutting away your favorite account of the person’s life.

2. Get your Facts

It is amazing how many obituaries don’t include a date of birth or even the date of death! It is also important to give an accurate rundown of the family members that both predeceased the person and survive him. Don’t mix up great grandchildren and grandchildren, and get a complete count of all family members. Get the facts about where the person went to school and any accolades that should be included. Spelling also counts when writing an obituary, so use your spell check and make a point to scrutinize every family name for accuracy.

3. Make Necessary Announcements

People who find this obituary in the newspapers may want to attend the funeral service to pay their respects. Use this venue to let people know the date and location of the service. This is also the appropriate place to announce where any memorial donations can go, if applicable.

4. Make it Interesting

The last thing you want to do when writing an obituary is be perceived as flip or trite. However, an obituary is more than a statement of death; it is also an interesting account of the life that was lived. Add compelling facts like the person lived to be over 100, he served in the military or she sang soprano in the church choir. Add philanthropic activities, such as 20 years of volunteer service at the local animal shelter. Keep it short and sweet, but celebrate the life that was lived even while announcing the passing of that life.

5. Reread, Revise and Edit

An obituary is not something that should be written on the fly and sent off to the editor in a flurry. Take the time to proofread your obit and ask someone else to read it over for you as well. This is the best way to catch grammar, punctuation and spelling mistakes and ensure that the piece is written in a proper voice.

Writing an obituary is never something that one looks forward to doing, but it is a part of life sometimes. If you find yourself in this situation, follow these tips on how to write an obituary that will respect the memory of your loved one beautifully.

Nathan Martyn is webmaster of The Eternal Portal, a place to create online memorials with full multi-media, free online obituaries, forums, articles, resources for dealing with grief and condolence guest books.

Is a Loved One Trying to Reach You From the Other Side? 5 Ways to Know For Sure

Our deceased loved ones reach out to us constantly, and they do it in every way they possibly can. They want us to feel their presence so we’ll know that they are well and that they are not gone. There are many different ways our loved ones try to contact us, some ways are overt, others are more subtle. When you learn to recognize these cues from them, you can enjoy the love and the comfort they are sending to you.

I’m often asked if our deceased loved ones think about us, can see us or give any thought to our experiences once they’ve crossed over. The answer is yes, absolutely.

In fact, when our loved ones leave their bodies and go to the Other Side they become acutely aware of subtleties they might not have seen when they were bound to their human body. Our loved ones are aware of what we feel, our joys and our sorrows and they know the challenges we face. They know about our accomplishments and our celebrations and they know of our losses, too. Typically, they know what’s about to happen in our lives before we do.

They’re also less encumbered emotionally than they were when they were here. So, they’re often more able to offer much needed love and support and encouragement than they might have when they were here.

Someone once asked me, “If our loved ones are in heaven and they have everything they could need or want, why would they want to come back here?” Let’s turn that question around for a moment.

If you left today, think of how determined you would be to keep up with your loved ones as time moved on. Quite naturally you would want to come back to see your children marry, you’d be checking in on them to know if they were happy, and if not, why not. If you could offer them any guidance to help them, you would; and you’d try every way possible to get that guidance to them in a way that they could see or hear or feel it.

You would want to know what type of parent they’d become, you’d want to be there for the birthdays, the holidays and the celebrations. And when a child’s or parent’s or other loved one’s life was over, you’d want to be there for them when it was time for their transition.

The love we share in our relationships continue on, even in the face of death. Because of that, it’s a very natural instinct for those we’ve known and loved, who are now on the Other Side, to reach out to us. Here are a few ways they do that:

1. Dreams - Our dreams are one of the easiest ways for our loved ones to reach us. At night, when we’re deeply asleep, our resistance and our disbelief relaxes; so it makes it easier for our loved ones to make themselves seen and heard. When we’re awake, it’s too easy for us discount our mystical experiences as a coincidence or a trick of the mind. The mother of a friend of mine deeply enjoyed her frequent, dream-time visits from her husband after he died. She would wake up the next morning feeling deeply loved and connected to him. Our dreams are an open field for our loved ones to be seen and deliver messages of love and comfort. Pay attention to how you feel after you’ve seen a departed loved one in your dreams and notice how healing those visits are for you.

2. Music - Sometimes those from the other side get our attention through certain songs or lyrics. They’re able to bring our attention to the words and the melodies that have a special meaning.

3. Books - During a reading with a client, his close family friend from the other side told me that she made her presence known to him by picking out books for him. When I asked him what she meant by that he told me that when he was in book stores that books literally fell off the shelves and into his hands. He often found significance in the titles and sometimes the content of the books. It made him realize she was still watching out for him and had his best interests at heart.

4. Etheric Scents - Sometimes loved ones from the Other Side make themselves known by bringing memorable scents to our attention. These smells might resemble a perfume or after-shave they wore, or a favorite drink or cigar they used to enjoy. When Terri smells cigarette smoke (when no cigarettes are around) she knows her uncle is near. When Tom smells homemade chocolate chip cookies for just a brief moment (when none are present) he knows that’s his Grandmother’s way of letting him know she’s with him and watching over him.

5. Overt Messages - Our loved ones know about special opportunities to make their messages known well in advance of their happening. Lena, a writer, and her mother walked through the airport on their way on to their vacation. There was construction going on in certain areas of airport so bare sheet rock was often visible as they made their way to their gate. As Lena got off the escalator with her mom, she had a sense of her recently deceased and much loved uncle. She looked to her left and saw the words that were printed on the sheet rock were cut off such that they revealed his name. “Look Mom,” said Lena, “it’s uncle Rocco letting us know he’s still with us.”

Melissa Van Rossum is an accomplished psychic, empath and author. Her life’s work is to help people realize their dreams by finding their Divine Guidance. Their Way Home shares stories of her encounters with ghosts, who searched her out to guide them home. To learn more, visit All You’ve Ever Known and Their Way Home.

Why Ghosts Stay Around After Their Death, And 5 Ways You Can Avoid Making the Same Mistake

Ghosts are people who, after their death, choose not to cross over to the Other Side, for various reasons. Sometimes they’ve died a tragic death and they don’t recognize that they’re dead. Other times they’re trying to work out unfinished business and on occasion they’re afraid they’ll experience judgment and punishment if they cross over - so they don’t. Unfortunately there are many ill-effects of this short-sighted decision.

Several things happen once you leave your body. First, very few people - other than a few psychics - can see, hear or interact with you. So your existence becomes very, very lonely. Second, after you die you can hear others’ thoughts and feel their feelings. This might be entertaining in the short term, but in the long term it’s demoralizing. (Think about the amount of greed, hatred and suffering in the world.) And third, your life is over at this point. There’s nothing left for you to do here and your life becomes empty and depressing, which is crazy-making.

Ghosts don’t consciously choose this miserable life, no more than the living consciously choose to live tragic and depressed lives. But, like the living, they end up in this sad existence because they haven’t faced the challenges and spiritual lessons of their lives. Here are 5 ways you can avoid making the same mistake with your life:

1. Face Your Fears - This may seem easier said than done, but ultimately everyone has to face their fears. If you don’t they will, like a ghost, haunt you for the rest of your life. Unresolved fears have a way of re-presenting themselves in your life again and again until you learn how to face and overcome them. Every ghost I’ve ever met has tried to run from their greatest fears, to a futile end. Just remember, there is always an answer and a way through every challenge you face.

2. Seek Out Healing - If you’ve been abused, emotionally or physically, seek out healing. There are many wonderful resources available today that can offer real solutions and real healing. Most of the ghosts I’ve encountered were too afraid to seek out the healing they needed, and as they suffered in life, so they suffered in death. If you’ve been ‘burned’ by therapists or support groups and are not willing to reach out, then consider my book All You’ve Ever Known to help you chart your own course into real healing (at the All You’ve Ever Known website ).

3. Resolve Your Conflicts - People who become ghosts have not found meaning in their experiences, particularly the challenging ones. They stay mired in the distress and the resentment and fail to find a path beyond it all. If you’re going to live a healthy life and interact with others, then regretfully, dealing with betrayal, disagreements, and ignorant and childish behavior is a part of life. You’ll find the serene, inner peace you’re looking for when you can find the spiritual reasons for the unpleasant events of your life as well as a way to evolve beyond them.

4. Learn to Let Go - Though it may not always look like it, as an empath I can tell you that life is hard for many, many people. We all experience pain, mistreatment, injustice, loss and inequity, and you have to find a way to resolve your hurts in order to create a happy and rewarding life. I’ve met several ghost brides who stayed on the earth long after their death because they couldn’t get past the betrayal and abandonment of being left at the altar. In order to heal and put the past behind you, you need to tap into Divine Guidance for direction and healing wisdom.

5. Strive to Learn and Evolve - Not once have I ever met a ghost who had invested their life bettering themselves. I’ve met several ghosts who lived very religious lives, but none who were serious about learning and evolving. Truly, they were simply too afraid.

Strive for spiritual and personal growth and you will have the one thing that ghosts do not - a connection with a Divine force that will guide you throughout your life and beyond. If you’d like to learn how you can successfully overcome your fears, find healing, resolve the conflicts of your life, learn to let go, then get connected with All You’ve Ever Known, a book that will help you to do all of these things and more. The website is listed below.

Melissa Van Rossum is an accomplished psychic, empath and author. Her life’s work is to help people realize their dreams by finding their Divine Guidance. Their Way Home shares stories of her encounters with ghosts, who searched her out to guide them home. To learn more, visit All You’ve Ever Known and Their Way Home.

5 Ways to Bring Healing in Commemoration

Death is a robber and thief, takes away, but grief and sorrow can give it back. As hard as it is and perhaps daunting at the time it is possible to recover from grief with new strengths, a new focus and a new direction. To grieve is natural and healthy. The healing process starts as you release your grief, and start to recognize and sort your emotions ( which can be conflicting at times) and move to the acceptance of your loved ones death. The healing process will bring an increased awareness and new understanding.

A child once told me that she had seen a rainbow near the beach where she and her deceased brother had played. She said that the rainbow was his way of letting her know that everything was okay and she should stop worrying about him.

What is synonymous of New Zealand are the number of crosses that have been erected along roadways to mark the death of a loved one in a fatal accident. This is not only a reminder for the families setting up a memorial for there loved one but has made the public aware of a death and to slow down. Many of these road side memorials are lovingly cared for (with flowers) year after year.

Whether it is a cross or rainbow we all need something in our lives when a loved one dies. We need to arrive at that place of rest and peace, and go on with our lives whether we are six years old or sixty.

5. Ways to Commemorate a loved one.

1. Celebrate the life on the day of death.

Make this a special day for you and your family. I know of a family who always made it a fun day - a meal out and a visit to the movies.

2. Plant a tree

A tree represents new life and a living tribute to the deceased. As the tree grows tall and strong in stature so will you and the family.

3. Display Photographs.

Make a display board for the photos. I saw a wonderful example of photos enlarged on the photocopier then pasted on a large piece of particle board. As the photos were not all the same size they overlapped. The board was then sprayed with a clear sealant. It would make a wonderful activity for children.

4. Visit the grave.

Let this time be a positive reflection, not occasions for sadness. You might find it comforting to voice your thoughts and feelings to the loved one. If you have children present make sure that they understand that this is not “contacting” the person but rather the expression of comforting oneself.

5. Establish a commemorative tradition in the community.

Create a scholarship fund at your local school, give a trophy to a football team, maintain a flower bed in your neighborhood or city ………these are all uplifting and lasting ways to commemorate the deceased.

Commemoration is a vital part of healing and recovery. It promotes acceptance of the loss and helps the survivors move forward.

There is no longer any room for guilt, remorse, or regret. Instead we are filled with love and peace.

I will leave you with a prayer written in 1934 by Reinhold Niebuhr:

God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,

Courage to change the things we can,

And wisdom to now the difference.

Visit http://www.stitchedportraits.com. for commissioned portraits. Let me do an embroidered portrait from your photo. What a wonderful everlasting remembrance of your loved one

Choosing Appropriate Funeral Flowers

Funeral flowers chosen by the next of kin or close family for the top of the casket or coffin are usually diamond shaped or flowers made into the traditional shape of a cross. The size of the casket flowers are quite often dependant on the size of the coffin however, the same designs are available in varying lengths to accommodate this. Elongated sprays are traditionally made from white lilies with lush green foliage while crosses are normally composed from chrysanthemums or lisianthus, either on there own in the same colour or interspersed with other seasonal flowers. Contemporary designs using the shape of a cross using a few roses and dark green foliage may suit a younger person’s casket.

Heart shaped, circular or square design cushions are a popular choice of funeral flowers for close relatives to send. They comprise of tightly packed flowers, usually chrysanthemums or roses of the same colour with delicate edging of a complementary colour and a simple spray of coloured flowers gently placed at an angle across one corner of the cushion. In lisianthus, white is generally the predominant colour for the cushion bed while the spray can be made from any colour, deep reds and crimsons can look very tasteful. An open intertwined double heart is a popular choice for a partner of the deceased to send, it is possible for the florists to use any small delicate bloomed flower to achieve a serene effect.

Special tributes such as names or items such as footballs or angels can be made by the florist who will work with you and provide guidance and support at this emotional time. Special tributes for children in the shape of a small bear or an arrangement which is upright, such as the gates of heaven, can be made by the florist to express your thoughts at this difficult time.

Funeral flowers in the shape of a teardrop spray or sheath are made with a flat bottom to lay close to the main casket arrangement and are sent by close family members. The flowers are quite often all of the same subtle pastel shades interspersed with foliage. It is common to use white lilies or carnations in these styles of designs. A modern look can be achieved by using a few white Calla lilies laid on deep green foliage and finished with a hand tied bow also made from foliage. Sprays and sheaths can be made in a variety of sizes, it can be a nice touch if the florist incorporates the deceased favourite flower colour and type into the arrangement.

Wreaths in their classic circular design are believed to represent eternal life and never ending love, they are an excellent choice for all family members or friends to send as funeral flowers. The wreaths can be made using classic seasonal flowers packed tightly into the wreath or more exotic and contemporary designs are becoming increasingly favoured by younger people who are looking for something appealing and unusual. Circular willow frames interwoven with Steel grasses and decorated with pastel tones and pale green wispy foliage is an example of a delicate and yet stunning creation which denotes never ending devotion.

Flowers direct are UK flower delivery experts, specializing in Funeral flowers and Sympathy flowers.

The Mothers of Section Sixty

They come each Sunday with their flowers and beach chairs, their photos and mementos of times now past, to sit by the beloved headstones that mark the last resting place of their warrior sons or daughters, these women of Section Sixty. Despite the fact that Arlington National Cemetery has strict regulations regarding decorating trees that stand amongst the headstones, or leaving pictures and sweet remembrances at the gravesites, these mothers leave them nonetheless, even knowing that in a week, or two, or three, they will be swept away by the ground’s caretakers, and that they will come back afterward with new pictures, new flowers, new love.

The Cemetery has become a gathering place for the tears of the mothers who have lost sons in America’s current battlegrounds, and also for the sharing of sympathy, of love, of strength, of courage. They meet each other beside the familiar gravesites, waving ‘hello’ softly to those who are now familiar to the heart, leaving alone those who seem to need their privacy – the ones who have eyes and hearts only open to one voice, one image, one heart – the heart of the one who lays in the ground.

The mothers who return week after week come with small rituals – one with a journal that she writes in, another with balloons to celebrate a birthday or anniversary, a third with a letter, a toy, or a small gift from a young child barely old enough to remember the one lost – a sister or brother who is growing up with a legend instead of a living being. These young ones do not understand death yet, and still they know what reverence is without knowing what the word means. They know enough to leave their small offerings in the hands of the mothers who convey to the headstones, messages from those beloved ones they will never know.

One mother has been coming weekly for the past three years. She is the oldest member of the Sunday group. She says, when asked about the special balloons she brought, that it is her son’s birthday, the third since his death. That she thought it would get easier three years later, but it has gotten harder, for only now is she beginning to realize the finality of it all. Only now is she feeling that he is never coming back. And as she says this to one of the other women - as they both sit and gaze at each other and at the vast sea of white headstones marking the endless rows of graves - as she says this, a tear slides down her face. Just a single tear. All of the tears of the past are now rolled into this one.

The woman she speaks to is silent. She understands silently. She nods, silently. She sits and stares at the flowers she has placed at the based of the headstone – yellow and white daisies and a few white and pink carnations tied with a florist’s bow. They speak to the heart in this sea of solemn markers. They speak of love, of remembrance, of a bond that is only truly known to a mother’s heart.

Each of the mothers of Section Sixty carries the threads of the relationship forward in the only way she knows how, by vanquishing death, by allowing, indeed, insisting, that love is stronger than death and that therefore the relationship goes on and on, as it needs to, as it must.

This tribute to love is fathomless and eternal. It is unending and deep as the ocean is deep. Through Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring, it outlives all that would deny it, all that would seek to place it in a box and put it on a shelf somewhere. Instead, these warrior mothers remain fierce in their devotion to their sons, to each other, to the life of their own hearts. They remain fierce in their determination to remember, to never forget, to never allow love’s embers to die out.

This is their endless gift, the gift that allows love to triumph over death, and they give it willingly, gladly, with an inner need that is ultimately compelling. Over and over they will give this gift until the body tires and the eyes close, and even then, the heart will still remember.

Julie Redstone is a writer, teacher, and founder of Light Omega, a spiritual teaching and healing center in Western Massachusetts. She is also the author of a number of other articles on death and dying.

This article was inspired by an NPR Morning Edition report called “Mothers Bound Together by the Cost of War” by Ari Shapiro and Jim Wildman, June 23, 2008.

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